Monday, June 27, 2011

Triggers

This weekend, was our town's festivities, Fishermen's Party. Overall, it was a pretty good weekend, with a book sale, cheese curds {yum!}, kids games, street dance and parade all being on the agenda.

Everything was so much fun and Babe enjoyed every minute, he was wiped out! So tired that he fell asleep during the parade. He is still too young to get candy or anything, but I thought maybe he'd have fun watching. My husband walks in the parade every year with his karate students and I chose to sit this year out as the little one was so tired. I parked his stroller in a shady area and watched...

Watched until the ambulances went by. Now, I have seen and heard many of these since River died, but sitting there alone, watching them drive by sloooowly, it hit. One of them was in front of my house, one of them rushed River to the hospital, one of them carried EMTs trying to save his life. I teared up and had to take a deep breath. I couldn't look again until I heard the band start playing {which meant the ambulances were gone}.

I was very glad I was sitting alone as I fought crying, luckily for me Babe woke up shortly after and I had to stroll around to calm him down. The karate students were finished by this time and I was able to pretend the "ambulance moment" never happened while enjoying dinner before the hubby had to go work. 

I have realized that it is possible to have very vivid memories that can be at the same time very foggy, while piecing together life after River died.

6 comments:

Caroline said...

{{HUGS}} Thinking of you so much. It's something how those little things get you.

Alissa said...

I'm sorry you suffered a trigger at a somewhat inconvenient time. I hate how they just blindside you sometimes... Thinking about you, hun, and sending you lots of love.

Tiffany said...

i have chills. I hate ambulances now. hate. hate. hate. I'm sorry. thinking of you!

Rebecca said...

I hate getting blindsided like that too! The funeral home we used just opened up another location that I drive past on the way to work. The other day as I drove past the new building I immediately started thinking about how we cuddled Lily up to send her to the funeral home. It took a while to snap out of it. I was thankful I was just alone in my car!
Thinking of you...

Melissa said...

That must have been hard. Funny, when they just strike out of nowhere huh? We went into the NICU for the first time while we were making our donation. You can see directly in to where Mikayla's bed sat and there was a isolette with a little pink blanket over the top, just like the day we were there.

Holly said...

I hate when those triggers happen but then again it allows me to think of her and I love thinking of her. Ugh. But then I don't like crying in public!

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