So the biggest "love" day of the year has passed, and as I played with my sweet baby and husband last night, and laughed, I thought about all of the love I have in my life.
This quote is one of my all time favorites, and I submitted it to Franchesca at Small Bird Studio a few weeks ago on her Bluebird Tuesday! Thank you, for creating this beautiful image for me to share!
I have been thinking a lot lately about why this quote is so important to me and I've come up with this:
1. "What we have once enjoyed we can never lose,"
I enjoy River in my life. I once enjoyed the following things: being pregnant with him, giving birth to him, hearing him cry, nursing him, hugging him, kissing his forehead, singing him to sleep (although I am awful!), and I enjoy that fact that he is my son. Notice the past and present tenses used here. I enjoyed him and therefore can never lose him.
2. "All that we love deeply becomes a part of us."
My heart has more love now that I ever thought possible, but not just because I am a mother, because I am carrying the love of and for River with me everywhere I go. I love River deeply. He is part of me. He will always be part of me.
With this in mind, yesterday I had a new look on Valentine's Day. When I got home from work, I received a wonderful card from my husband, and some yummy dark chocolates! Thanks, honey!! There was also a vase with two beautiful white roses, and a note that said "a rose from both of your sons." Both of my sons, what a wonderful gift!
We ate dinner, and decided to head out to the cemetery. We had a balloon that said "I Love You" and we thought we'd bring out to River. As we were getting ready, Asher decided to play with it. It was so wonderful to see the excitement and pure joy on his face. We got in the car and were so ecstatic when we arrived, that we finally could drive in! The wonderful warm weather melted enough of the drifted snow and we weren't afraid we'd get stuck. We added our little red hearts to River's winter tree and we tied the balloon to his planter. Today I am wondering if it is still there or if the wind has taken it sailing to the Heavens, either of these would be alright with me.
This series of events brought me so much joy. Would I change the fact that River isn't here? You bet I would, if I could! Remembering this quote yesterday, got me through. Knowing that there is so much love in my life from my husband, family and friends, is simply because River was here physically and because he is still here in spirit is just breathtaking.