Saturday, December 31, 2011

New Year's Eve

Here we are at the end of another year, I don't think I have really strong feelings good or bad about embarking upon a new year. 2011 brought many things to us, a few changes (becoming a student and getting a promotion) and another successful year for River's Rally.

2012 is already getting packed full of things to do, plans and dreams we hope to make come true...I hope we continue on this path and are able to make some of these things happen.

I was just reading a dear friend, Melissa's blog, and thought that I would share the following:

New Year's Resolutions for Bereaved Parents
I Resolve:

That I will grieve as much and for as long as I feel like grieving, 
and that I will not let others put a time table on my grief.

That I will grieve in whatever way I feel like grieving, and I will ignore those who try to tell me 
what I should or should not be feeling and how I should or should not be behaving.

That I will cry whenever and wherever I feel like crying, and that I will not hold back my tears just because someone else feels I should be "brave" or "getting better" or "healing by now."

That I will talk about my child as often as I want to, 
and that I will not let others turn me off just because they can't deal with their own feelings.

That I will not expect family and friends to know how I feel, 
 understanding that one who has not lost a child cannot possibly know how I feel.

That I will not blame myself for my child's death, 
and I will constantly remind myself that I did the best job of parenting I could possibly have done. 
 But when feelings of guilt are overwhelming, 
I will remind myself that this is a normal part of the grief process and it will pass.

That I will not be afraid or ashamed to seek professional help, if I feel it is necessary.

That I will commune with my child at least once a day in whatever way feels comfortable and natural to me, and that I won't feel compelled to explain this communion to others or to justify or even discuss it with them.

I will keep the truth in my heart--the truth that my child is always with me in spirit.

That I will try to eat, sleep, and exercise every day in order to give my body strength it will need to help me cope with my grief.

To know that I am not losing my mind and I will remind myself that loss of memory, feelings of disorientation, lack of energy, and a sense of vulnerability are all a normal part of the grief process.

To know that I will heal, even though it will take a long time.

To let myself heal and not feel guilty about not feeling better sooner.

To remind myself that the grief process is circuitous--that is, I will not make steady upward progress. And when I find myself slipping back into the old moods of despair and depression, I will tell myself that "slipping backward" is also a normal part of the mourning process, and that these moods, too, will pass.

To try to be happy about something for some part of every day, knowing that at first, I may have to force myself to think cheerful thoughts so eventually they can become a habit.

I have not been one to make New Year's resolutions in the past, mostly because I would always fail at them if I did, but the above resolutions do ring very true. I am wishing for happiness to all of my dearest friends and family this New Year's Eve. I will be celebrating with a very special little boy in my arms and another one in my heart. 

6 comments:

Tiffany said...

hoping for lots of happiness for you guys as well. ((hugs))

Melissa said...

Happy new year friend!

Tiffany said...

Happy New Year! And here's to another good year for River's Rally- you guys are doing awesome things@

Nicole said...

Happy new year.

Check out mines
http://nmephotoblog.blogspot.com/

Hilary said...

I hope 2012 is an awesome year for you Deanna!
Thinking of you and River always <3

NewYearMum said...

So true... thank you for sharing xoxo

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