8 Days Away

So it seems that most of my writing here lately has been around the "big dates." You know, holidays, birthday, remembrance day, etc. This post follows suit. We are 8 days away from our little boy turning 4, that's right four years old. I have a hard time believing that he would be getting ready for preschool, I cannot imagine it. How is that even possible? I think if I search my blog for that statement or the word 'possible' I would probably have a lot of results. It seems I say that a lot.

I just cannot believe that 4 years ago, we were anxiously awaiting his arrival. Wondering if we were having a boy or a girl, would the baby's name be River or Brook? Were we ready? Of course we weren't, I had just gotten clearance to put away the crutches and cam walker a week prior! Nothing was ready! But he was ready two days before his due date and we got to meet our precious little boy.

We wonder to this day if he were really meant to spend the six days with us that he did. He was born with the cord around his neck twice and was not responsive. There was never any indication during labor that he was in distress, but we look back and wonder in awe if the time we did get with him was a true miracle. We feel fortunate that we got to hear him cry and see his beautiful eyes.

The photograph above was taken by a new friend at Faith's Lodge. The Compassionate Friends chapter leaders in our area all gathered there a few weeks ago to learn from each other and collaborate. It was a wonderful time and it was a nice break to remember and share our first born son. We are holding our "River Bear" from Molly Bears or as Asher calls it his "brother bear." I don't know if he understands that his brother's birthday is coming up. We talk about it, but does it really make sense? It sure doesn't to me, so I am not sure that a 3 year old can understand but I know his heart does.

River,
You are always on my mind and in my heart. I am so proud and honored to be your mother. You brought such a gift to the world and I cherish every second that I get to share it. Your love carries on in us and our love for you continues to shine. We miss you every second of every day.

Love you with all of my heart -
xoxoxo Mom

River's Rocks

The remembrance project for River's Rally 2013 is underway. This year we will personalize a rock and display them at our event.

For $10US we will write your child's name on a rock and then give it to you (if you cannot attend the event add $4.95 for shipping).

Shipping will be combined if purchasing more than one rock. All proceeds benefit River's Rally.

Please note that all stones are unique, no two will look alike. This photograph is just one example. We also recommend that if you will be placing rock outside to seal it beforehand. They will not arrive weatherproofed. 

It's been a while...

Here we go again... I know that I have not posted here in a long while, not anything with substance anyway.

Well, Asher and I went to church this morning and I sat down with him and I noticed that the offering song was "Shine, Jesus, Shine." Seeing this brought me to tears, as this song was sang at River's Funeral. Another pastor, sang this toward the end of his service, and it was so beautiful. To add to this story, the pastor that sang this at River's funeral is now sharing pastoral duties at our church since my father-in-law retired. She was there today... despite the fact that Asher and I were playing with toys in the nursery I could still here her and I was taken back to May 9th, 2009. It was so beautiful and heartbreaking all at once.

This song was chosen for River's service, because River's grandpa said "on the morning River died, in the middle of all the sadness and darkness, there was a part of a song that kept going through my mind that became a prayer. I heard this melody which I found out later was from the hymn "Shine, Jesus, Shine," and my prayer became flow, Spirit, flow bring in us a comfort, flow, river, flow."

It is so hard to believe that my sweet little boy would be 4 this year. Asher has a way of knowing when I am more deeply missing his brother (if that makes sense), and he always gives me extra hugs and kisses. Normally, he wants to be a "big boy" and do everything on his own. After church today, he wanted to be carried, "carry me, mommy" he said. I know that River too, is carried by me. I will make sure that his life with me continues to flow and shine bright even though I am not able to hold him in my arms, I will carry him in my heart forever.

The lyrics are played in this video: