Sunday, August 5, 2012

Summer

Seriously, it has been over a month since my last post? Jeepers. It's not for lack of things to say. We have been very busy with work, school and the normal day-to-day stuff. The library has kept me very busy with summer reading program events. School is going well although I am not at all happy with the professor I have in my philosophy class right now. Our car broke down and left us spending tons on it and with only a truck that had no air conditioning over the hottest week of the summer. The husband has been working a lot since we had to cover paying for the car repairs. We missed our vacation with his family because the car was in the shop for a week...frustrating but we managed to survive it.

It seems so strange to have been so upset over it although we got the crummy news on July 6th. The 3 year and 2 month anniversary of River's death. Really? The car breaking down upset me? Probably not. The fact that I always remember the 6th...guess what tomorrow is? The 3 year and 3 month anniversary. Ugh! I think as we creep closer and closer to River's 4th birthday, I am in denial again. It really cannot be that long, can it? I haven't really been that sad lately, just shaking my head that I should have a little boy nearing preschool. Asher should have a big brother to help him ride his trike, play on his swing and teach him his letters. I wonder if River would be tall and skinny like Asher. Would his personality be as goofy or would he be more mellow? The more Asher becomes his own person, the more I wonder who River would be.

I am grateful for all of the people in my life that remember our little boy. I am blessed to be his mother. I miss him terribly and long to know who he'd be today.

3 comments:

mrsnice777 said...

I totally understand those feelings. Wondering what might have been... Thinking of you, and thank you for your post on my blog!

((hugz))
Jamie

Stefanie said...

I think of the same things. I wonder if M would be the same with her little brother as she is with her little sister. Would she be just as interested in a little brother? Would he play with her or would he be playing his boy things all by himself. Sigh. The what ifs…I guess it's only natural.

Natasha said...

Totally understand your feelings. I've been feeling pretty crazy myself lately as Aiden's second birthday gets closer and closer.

Thinking of you....I know it never gets easier but I hope you are feeling some peace today my friend.

And thinking of your sweet River always ♥♥♥♥

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