It's April

It's April again! It seems that every year, as this month begins there is just a different feeling.

A heavier weight on my chest.
It's a little harder to breathe.
I constantly fight back tears.
Heartache and hesitation.
Nothing seems quite right.

Well, it isn't. This month, River would be three. Can you even believe that, three? How could it have been that long since we held him? How could it have been that long since we kissed his sweet face?

Today brought another Easter without him to find eggs and fill up on goodies. It is so hard to imagine my family with two little boys here on earth. It is so hard to imagine what he would be like. I see his cousins that are so close in age to him and just wonder.

I see his little brother and wonder if they would look alike. How much would they fight like brothers do? Would he still have red hair? I am completely amazed every single day by this little boy I get to hold in my arms every night. He just takes my breath away and I know that his big brother is taking good care of him.

We are busy planning a few events in River's memory and this keeps my mind occupied most of the time. But when there is down time, I just can't help but wonder what he'd be like.

Sweet River,
There isn't a single second that you are not on my mind and in my heart.
Your daddy, brother and I want you to know how much we love you.
We wish we could see your sweet face again and your big beautiful eyes.
We are so proud  to be your parents. Your short life had such an impact on the world. We will carry you with us as long as we live. We miss you tons. 

River Bear, you arrived on a very special day. You were able to come with  us to Faith's Lodge to celebrate your little brother's second birthday. I couldn't believe that was how big you were, the more I held you in my arms, the more it felt like you. Thank you, Molly Bears, for this beautiful keepsake in memory of our little boy. 

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