Well, Asher and I went to church this morning and I sat down with him and I noticed that the offering song was "Shine, Jesus, Shine." Seeing this brought me to tears, as this song was sang at River's Funeral. Another pastor, sang this toward the end of his service, and it was so beautiful. To add to this story, the pastor that sang this at River's funeral is now sharing pastoral duties at our church since my father-in-law retired. She was there today... despite the fact that Asher and I were playing with toys in the nursery I could still here her and I was taken back to May 9th, 2009. It was so beautiful and heartbreaking all at once.
This song was chosen for River's service, because River's grandpa said "on the morning River died, in the middle of all the sadness and darkness, there was a part of a song that kept going through my mind that became a prayer. I heard this melody which I found out later was from the hymn "Shine, Jesus, Shine," and my prayer became flow, Spirit, flow bring in us a comfort, flow, river, flow."
It is so hard to believe that my sweet little boy would be 4 this year. Asher has a way of knowing when I am more deeply missing his brother (if that makes sense), and he always gives me extra hugs and kisses. Normally, he wants to be a "big boy" and do everything on his own. After church today, he wanted to be carried, "carry me, mommy" he said. I know that River too, is carried by me. I will make sure that his life with me continues to flow and shine bright even though I am not able to hold him in my arms, I will carry him in my heart forever.
The lyrics are played in this video: